Nanny nonsense

DHAHRAN, SAUDI ARABIA - A couple months before the end of the school year, the director of the learning center I taught at sent home a notice to all the parents of kids who would be graduating from our program: Encourage self reliance in your child.

Little things like carrying their schoolbags, opening lunch boxes, putting on shoes, washing their own faces. But, for many of the kids, doing for themselves was a totally new concept.

Welcome to Saudi Arabia, the land of nannies and maids.

Nearly ever young family I know has at least one nanny, whether Saudi or western. One of my former students boasted that she had six nannies, one for each child in the family.

When people say kids here are born with a silver spoon in their mouth – the spoon is more often than not held by a nanny.

It’s not unusual to see the nanny next door chasing her young tricycle-riding charge down the street, a bowl of cereal in one hand and a handy-wipe in the other. When she finally catches up with the curly-haired three-year-old, the nanny – who looks to be about 13 herself – spoons cereal into the little girl’s mouth, then quickly wipes her face, all the while on the move.

And these nannies – most of whom are Asian – make Mary Poppins look like a self-centered and negligent underachiever.

They accompany their young charges everywhere, whether or not a parent is present. You see them at the mall, waiting outside schools, in restaurants, never more than a quick step away.

If a baby cries, the nanny soothes it. If a toddler is hurt, the maid makes it better. If a school boy wants a drink of water, the nanny runs to the fountain and gets one.

And there’s the rub.

Unlike Mary Poppins – or even Nanny McPhee – the nannies and maids in Saudi Arabia don’t seem to leave when their charges grow up. Instead, they just take on new and different chores – each created to make sure that the child never needs to be self reliant – and never stops needing help to function.

I’ve seen high school kids call for their nanny rather than carry an empty dish into the kitchen; I’ve seen them refuse to carry a shopping bag or push a grocery cart because their maid was with them.

Worse still, in this culture, nannies and maids have no authority. They are not allowed to discipline or instruct, reprimand or teach. They do as they are told, whether the teller is their four-year-old charge or the young tyrant's mother.

It’s impossible – and wrong – to blame the nannies and maids for the situation, or even the dependency of their charges. They are, after all, just doing their jobs – if a little too thoroughly.

The blame – if there is any - lies with the parents, well-meaning though they may be, and with the kids.

Saudi Arabia’s Labor Minister, Ghazi Al-Gosaibi agrees.

“In this society,” he said, “the healthy teenager needs a maid to bring him a glass of water that is exactly 10 meters away. This is yet another revolting sight!”

The long-term result of all this nonsense is yet to be determined. The phenomenon of the multiple nanny and maid household is relatively new in the Kingdom. However, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist – or even Dr. Spock – to come up with some possible outcomes.

Kids who never do for themselves, grow into adults who expect others to take care of them.

Kids who have someone at their beck and call 24/7 grow into adults who expect others to drop whatever they are doing and attend to them. Their needs, it would seem, must always come first.

And finally, kids who have all their needs met without effort grow into adults who want all their needs met without effort. Working for something becomes a foreign concept – whether that something is a new car or a first house or a peaceful Kingdom.